Sometimes something that looks pretty or sounds nice, isn’t.
Sometimes we pretend our beliefs about other people are just common sense and we hang onto these beliefs in order to justify ourselves and our own agenda and it keeps our own ego intact.
And we get a nice juicy payoff. We get to be right and it feels so good, right?
What we don’t realize is that there is a cost to be had. And it can be steep.
What are the costs you might ask? Love. Connection. Freedom. The ability to be inspiring and self-expressed in ways that contribute.
We can’t see that the prickly side of ourselves just isn’t useful.
Here is a perfect example.
I used to have a collection of manuals for the people I love. They looked pretty in my head. They made complete sense to me. I didn’t realize that they were keeping me from being the best version of myself.
· You “should” help me out the dishes.
· You “should” make your bed.
· You “should” remember my birthday.
· You “should” be good so Santa will WANT to come down our chimney.
My poor family. I’m grateful I can say I’m sorry. I’m grateful that they’re forgiving of a mother and wife who didn’t realize that I was handing over my emotional well-being to them when it was MY responsibility.
Now I understand that I can share my vision of what would be awesome. And I can live by example what’s possible.
And I don’t have to hang my hat of personal well-being on their actions.
It’s amazing how my life has changed!
And it’s AMAZING how the people in my life have changed!
Have THEY changed? Maybe. Maybe not.
The real change is in me.
I discovered that LOVE is much more powerful than my manuals. I discovered that dropping my manuals, along with all of the judgment, worry, and bossiness that goes along with them is the number 1 tool to help me feel better. And there’s a bonus. It’s the best tool for improving any relationship we have with the people in our lives.
Do you have manuals on your shelf?
I do my best to drop mine in the trash. I keep my shelf uncluttered and that gives me freedom. It’s such a better way to live.
Maybe you could drop yours in the trash, too.